3 year post spinal fusion update

 Hello Everyone, 

So it's been a long time since i wrote here - slightly less than 3 years to be exact. A lot of life stuff has happened. However, originally i wanted to use this space to document my spinal surgery therefore it's only fitting that i give an update. As i've said before, when i was getting ready to have my surgery i would look online and try and find as many blogs on it as possible.. but there wasn't really any, so if my blog posts help just one person then i''ll be happy. So without much more to say.. lets get started...

How am I now? 

I know this is quite a broad question, but in terms of my spinal fusion, i'm doing well. I had my surgery on July 10th 2017, So right now, it's been 3 years and 13 days. 

I'm not going to lie and say it's been an easy road because it hasn't been. There's been a lot of tears and 'why me?' but i've come to terms with the situation that i find myself in now and i want to get on with my life as best as I can. 

The question i get asked most is 'Are you out of pain' and the blunt answer to that is No. Unfortunately, Im one of the unlucky ones and for some unknown reason i still struggle with back pain. I don't put this down to anything my surgeon did or how i looked after myself afterwards, i just think it's possible that i had the surgery too late (early 20's) or i have never built up enough body strength to be able to not be in pain.. i guess, nobody really know's and that pain is something i just have to live with. My main goal of having the surgery was to have the comfort of knowing my back could not get worse. and that's been achieved. Being out of pain was always going to be a bonus and like i said, unfortunately this hasn't been the case but i can do almost everything i wanted to do. 

How do you manage chronic back pain?

I'm a very active person and one thing i've learnt (and probably still learning) to do, is listen to my body. My back will hurt when i've done a lot of exercise or been sat to long and i have to remember to recognise it and say 'okay, Im going to have a rest' or 'i need to be active'. 

But on the other hand, I'm a very stubborn and determined person.. probably even more so now. I have to prove both to myself and everybody else that i can do what they can. The other day for example, i walked 16 miles. I was in quite a bit of pain at the end, but i rested and took care of myself afterwards and had that satisfaction of knowing that i don't have to limit myself. 

You can do whatever you put your mind to. 

That being said, i also have learnt strategies to help my pain. 

1. I often take pain killers - especially on days where i know i'll be doing a lot of exercise. I don't wait for the pain to set in before i start taking them either. I will take some Ibuprofen before i leave the house, and then alternate between paracetamol and IB throughout the day (keeping an eye on the timings of course). This just takes the edge off. (my family and friends joke that i'm a walking pharmacist!)

2. Regular breaks - If I'm doing a full day walking or out and about, it helps to take regular breaks to properly sit down and give my back a rest.

3. I love a hot bath - i mean, who doesn't? This gives you muscles a chance to relax and heat is one of the best medicines.

4. Pilates - I know some people swear by this - sometimes i find it helps and sometimes not so much but just having a good stretch can really help ease back pain and make you feel more comfortable.

5. Massage Machine - I only invested in one of these about 6 months ago and MY GOD i wish i had got one sooner. It is honestly a god send.

These are just things that have helped me, everyone is different so i recommend you try anything and everything you can to find what works for you. 

How long did it take to be able to get back to normal life?

My spinal surgery was at the beginning of July, i took an entire 4 months to let myself recover and got a full job at the end of October. It came at a good time in my life as i had just finished University and was able to take the break before finding a job. 

Depending on your life situation i would recommend taking atleast a few months out because there is nothing worse than going back to a full time job or commitment if you're not ready. 

Post operative depression

I want to touch on this subject because i think people should be aware and i don't want to hide anything that i've been through and might affect you if you are going through this surgery, I was never told how low i would feel during my months of healing. I thought i'd feel relieved at finally having the surgery and happy to be having a rest. But it turned out to be the opposite. I felt useless. I felt frustrated at not being able to do even basic things. I felt angry because why did this have to happen to me, what had i done to deserve it. I felt bored and depressed and lonely. 

I had an experience in hospital, and to most people, it probably sounds stupid but for me, it stayed with me for a very long time. It involved being told to move from my bed into a wheel chair for some scans. Keep in your mind, i hadn't stood up yet, i was being very sick and i was in a lot of pain (due to not taking the morphin offered and having no other pain relief) It felt de-grading and humiliating and for months afterwards this experience replayed throughout my head. 

I partially regret not seeking help for the mental struggle i went through. In some ways the mental struggle was a lot more painful than the physical. But it got easier and it's still getting easier. 

Do seek help, from a professional, a friend, family. We always concentrate on how these things affect your body but it's also important to think about your mental health and ensure you're getting the support you need. 

Do you have limits on what you can and can't do?

Yes and no. Right now i feel i can do pretty much everything i want to do activity wise. I can walk as far as i could before - and i'm sure if i wanted to build on this i could. I can ride rollercoasters, I can do most sport - swimming, tennis, hiking etc. (cycling can be a struggle) but for the majority of things i no longer feel limited. You may have to work really hard to get back in full fitness and be able to do some things but just know that you can. 

There are of course somethings you shouldn't do - heavy lifting, bungie jumping, skydiving - things that put pressure on your spine basically. However, i'm a firm believer of listening to your body. Just because someone says you shouldn't do those things doesn't mean you can't - it just means you need to be aware and possibly extra careful. 

I'm going to leave this post here. I hope this has helped anybody considering spinal fusion surgery - if you have any questions please don't be afriad to ask. 

Much love. 

Hannah x

Discarded Photographs

I don't know about you, but almost all of the time, I have some kind of camera on me. Sometimes its an SLR, other times its a film camera but more often than not, its my phone. Due to this, I have hundreds of photographs, everywhere but not all of them make it to the end result of a project, or an image I share online, or even a photo album. They end up sat somewhere on my laptop or SD card never to be seen again.

I think there's some real beauty in these discarded photographs. Something special worth sharing because at one point, I felt that what I could see was worth capturing, a snapshot of time which I could hold onto forever. Therefore today I wanted to share with you 10 of my favourite photographs that I have taken but for some reason or another, were discarded.

An Image taken of a lemon in soda water. Shot during my 'Beauty In The Ordinary' Project yet never made is past my research book.

Guildford Highstreet. 

Candles in a cathedral, Lit to remember. 

Alter & Stained glass window. Shot during my 'The Allure of churches' Project.

Butterfly shot with a macro-lens. 

Wintery reflections

A French Town.

The Maldives

A random strawberry shot in soda water

Image shot for my 'Decline Of The English Murder' Project but never got used

I hope you are having a good week and this inspires you to have a look through your folders for any photos which have gotten lost of forgotten but are well worth remembering and sharing.

Recently I have been guest writing for Fleur and Arbor  sharing a few of my recent projects in some blog posts (you can find these here and here!) , Whist also currently working on some travel/visual diary style posts which you can look forward to soon. I would very much appreciate you checking them out and sending them some love.

Until next time

Hannah 

❤

Autumn Favourites

September has begun. The leaves are turning orange and crispy. Starbucks has bought out their pumpkin spice latte. Days are getting shorter and the weather is getting colder. This can only mean one thing folks.

Autumn has arrived! (well depending on which seasonal calendar you follow.. but we can argue about that later!) 

 Its time to start finding those cosy jumpers, that have made their way to the back of your wardrobe and put the summer stuff away (*cries*). All jokes aside though, as much as I love summer, autumn is a gorgeous season. Its aesthetically pleasing to the eye but also a time for new beginnings; to start fresh whether that means a new school year or just forgetting how the last few months have been and starting with a clean slate. Therefore I thought I would share some of my favourite things to do in Autumn with you all.

1. Get outside.
Whatever the weather, if the sun is shinning or even (and probably more likely) it is pissing it down with rain, get outside and go for a walk. Exercise is good all year round however when the weather starts to change, us fair weather walkers can often feel very reluctant to move from the cosy shelter of a heated house but I promise you, its worth the effort.

2. Sitting in a coffee shop with a friend.
Sometimes you just need a change of scenery - to read a book, do some writing/studying or just catch up with a friend. If you haven't, branch out and try a pumpkin spice latte (be warned it is very sweet) because they are to die for.


3. Halloween!
I don't know about you, but Halloween is one of my favourite holidays. Its an excuse to have fun, dress up (If your a little'un or just because you can!) and crack out those scary movies. Or, If your like me and the closest you get to watching a scary movie is watching Hocus Pocus then there are also plenty of other activities. What I love to do and can't wait to do this year is visit a pumpkin farm, pick out the perfect pumpkin and spend the afternoon with a glass of pumpkin spice baileys, harry potter in the background, carving said pumpkin into a weird but wonderful face or pattern. - It never gets old.

4. This one is for all you females out there (and males, no sexism here) - autumn fashion and makeup!
 Its time to crack out all those colourful orange/red/brown/smoky eyeshadows and those bold darker lip shades (although possibly not together!) and get creative. This definitely isn't for everyone but I enjoy just spending a bit of time mixing and blending different eyeshadows and perfecting (or trying to) the winged eyeliner. Sometimes even just going simple with a bold plum lip, can make all the difference. Fashion wise, we can dig deep in that wardrobe and find those flannel shirts again (yay). Or even just a jumper dress and rock it with some swede black boots, yes please. 

Image Source: Pinterest

5. Berry/apple picking!
The satisfaction of picking, baking and eating berries or fruit that you have picked yourself is great. Blackberries can be found from August till around Mid October, so pick up a container and fill your boots. The best part is once collected you can freeze them until you are ready to eat them or bake with them. Apple's on the other hand, great to pick (from a neighbour maybe, if they don't pick their own!) and throw in a crumble, easy and delicious.

6. Last but definitely not least, autumn is the best season to just grab a hot chocolate, a blanket, light a few yankee candles or put on the fire and just relax.

Image source: https://www.instagram.com/shannon__lang/

I hope this has made you as excited and nostalgic for autumn as it has me. Please feel free to comment your favourite autumn traditions or activities below!

Hannah

❤

8 weeks post op update (Spinal fusion)

Hello everyone,

Long time no see! Apologies for the lack of posts, I have found myself in a bit of a rut the last few weeks, however I really want to get back into writing here and what better way to do that than to update you all on my progress. Its now been almost two months since I had my L5-S1 spinal fusion - crazy how time goes so quickly!

At 6 weeks post op, I went back to hospital and had some scans to check on my spine and fusion. Unfortunately due to my surgeon being ill, I did not get to see him until Monday (4th of september) this week. I am pleased to say that everything is looking good and 'text book' as my surgeon would say. It was really great to get to see him and chat about how everything is currently going, my limitations and any questions I have.

Keep Looking up

Exercise wise, I am still trying to do as much as possible, even though I am still feeling exhausted the majority of the time! Walking is my main focus as I have been told that this is the best form of exercise for me, due to keeping my spine from stiffening. I am also keeping up with my physio-therapy, which is pilates based and works on strengthening my core muscles to ensure that when Im walking or doing any form of exercise, I am using the correct muscles to do this and not putting any additional pressure on my spine. Hydro-therapy, I have now increased to once a week - I do enjoy this a lot as I love swimming and many of the exercises enable me to move in a way that I can't outside of a pool. For this we are concentrating on my flexibility, in addition to building up strength. I would recommend hydro for anyone as although it is hard work, its also fun. I would love to say that I am doing swimming outside of my hydro but unfortunately this is still something I am building up to - I am hoping in the next couple of weeks this can be something I will try.

I have turned into a Fitbit fanatic despite saying I would never want a Fitbit! I find it is great for making sure that I do almost 10, 000 steps a day and gives me the motivation to do so. As I have been borrowing one for the last few weeks, I have since decided to purchase my own,  choosing the Fitbit flex 2 - which I will be able to use for swimming too! (Look forward to an update on that one!)

Despite the fact that I am much better pain wise than before my operation, I am still struggling to get to a place where I am pain free. The reality is, I am not sure if I will ever get to that place and at times I find that difficult and upsetting. Speaking to my surgeon on Monday, I was told that sitting and standing for long periods of time will forever be an issue for me - Im not sure how much of an issue. At the moment I can sit for around 2-3 hours before feeling uncomfortable, however unlike the average person, If I don't get up and walk around, it can then feel very painful.

Onto a completely different topic, one of the questions that I really wanted to ask my surgeon (although it is a long time in the future!) is about child birth. One thing I kept reading online is that after having this surgery, I would not be able to give birth naturally and would be forced to have a C-section - as apparently my vertebra above or below my fusion could be forced out of place. I was very pleased to find out that this isn't the case and people are talking bollocks! I am not too posh to push (lol) , however I may have to do without an epidural (or atleast not a very effective one) as this would go where I have had the fusion and for obvious reasons it now cannot be placed there. Like I said, for me this is a long time in the future and I will cross that bridge when I get to it but for anyone who is in that position or thinking about it, definitely speak to a professional because much of what you read online is complete sh*te :)

Last but definitely not least, my scar is looking much better than it was! I am now able to wear what I want without the worry of itchyness or the material rubbing and becoming painful. It is lovely and neat (thank you Mr Davies!) and healing really well.

Crikey, I have written for England here - forever amazed if you have made it this far!
If anyone has any questions, please message me or post them below.

Much Love, Hannah

❤

Week 3/4 Post Surgery Update (Spinal fusion L5 S1)

Hello Lovelies,

It has now been just over 4 weeks since my spinal fusion therefore I thought I would share some of my thoughts and progress with you. 

The last few weeks have been hard.. to say the least. I chose the photo above because this feels like an accurate representation of how recovery is. Its not easy, its not all sunshine and roses. Staying motivated and positive is a challenge especially when little things feel incredibly difficult. Last week, I started to learn a lot about what I can and can't do, for now and in the future. Some of these things include riding rollercoasters, gymnastics (not that I plan on joining a circus!), bungee jumping, skydiving (not high on my to-do list but always cool to have the option), general bending until physio/surgeon says I can (Im getting amazing at the slut drop!) and sitting at a desk for longer than a couple hours. 

Its all a long frustrating hill climb. I have been told that, I wont have full flexibility in my spine anymore, however nothing is definite as everyone heals differently and a lot of things depend on how well the operation worked in curing my pain - patience is a virtue!

However onto the more positive! 

I had my first physio-therapy session last week. It went well, and we have devised a treatment plan of alternating each week between physio-therapy and hydro-therapy. My first session of hydro-therapy is tomorrow so wish me luck! For those of you who do not know what hydro-therapy is - it is when you do exercises in a warm pool, so you are not putting weight on the injury allowing more movement. I also have daily exercises to do for my physio-therapy which are mostly pilates based which will help build up my strength again.

Exercise wise.. I am incredibly stubborn when it comes to staying in the house therefore I have been making an effort to get out each day and go for one or two walks. At almost 3 weeks, I decided that I was going shopping (for anyone who knows me, you know I can't resist a good shop!). I was very nervous about how much I would be able to manage however I was able to wander for a couple of hours before I needed a good rest. 

Over the last couple of weeks I have built up the distance I can walk, beginning at 10 minutes down the road, to a couple of km and so on, trying to go slightly further each day. The most I have managed in one go is 5km yesterday, which is the normal hour long walk that I used to do almost daily before, so I'm pretty proud of this accomplishment. 

My wound is healing quite nicely, which I'm very relieved about. The bottom of the wound, which is taking the longest to heal, has finally stopped seeping *double yay*, so hopefully with time it shouldn't look too bad at all! 

Last but definitely not least, I managed to drive yesterday! Not a very long one, but all the same, it is great just to know that I can and my poor car (or Hugo, for anyone who knows that i've named by car hehe) can have some exercise too!

Its hard to see the progress that I'm making day by day but looking back to where I was even just a week ago, makes me feel very proud of what i've accomplished and hopefully things keep going up from here. 

Hannah

     ❤

New feline addition to the family!

A house does not feel complete without a cat, at least not for me. Don't get me wrong, I love our dog but somehow you need a cat around - even if they do ignore you half the time - to make the house feel like a home. Therefore in June this year, I managed to persuade the family (or perhaps coerce is a better word) to go on a hunt for a new kitten!

Everything moved very quickly and by the 11th of June, we bought home a 12 week old, silver tabby kitten. It took a while to name her, we went through a plethora of names ranging from Merlot and Kit Kat to Mia, Willow and Luna. Finally we settled on the name Millie (which has now turned into Millicent when she is naughty) but suits her to a tea.

I knew getting a kitten would be expensive but I hadn't quite realised how much! You have to factor in the price of the cat itself (especially if they aren't a rescue cat, which Millie isn't)  plus food, litter, toys, scratching post, vet bills including vaccinations, worming, chipping and any illnesses - not to mention anything they break when running around the house. Its also important that the new member of the family fits into the rest of the house. When looking for a cat, we decided our main criteria was that they would be Independent, calm, playful and loving. However, we ended up with a needy, crazy, playful and feisty little minx. I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Now she is growing, she is calming down however atleast once daily something snaps and she goes completely nut job crazy running from room to room (good luck catching her) and even climbing up the curtains for entertainment. She enjoys a good swinging ball (get your mind out the gutter!) and anything that makes cat and bird noises. So far her favourite toy is a mouse type creature dangling from a fishing rod contraption - it keeps both us and her amused and requires less effort from us! We are looking forward to letting her out the house where she can run off her energy, come back for cuddles and unfortunately (but definitely going to happen) can bring us lots of living (and probably not so living) presents.

Her and our spaniel have an interesting relationship. At first Millie was very wary and skittish around Sophie, however things have changed. She now enjoys jumping both around and on top of her, in addition to taunting her by jumping on top of her cage and dangling a paw between the bars. Its a very funny thing to watch - although I'm not sure Sophie feels the same.

My phone and camera are slowly filling up with hilarious and cute photographs of our little monster so to end this blog post, I thought I would share a few of them with you all.

Hannah 

❤

12 Day Post Operation Update

Hello Lovelies,

Today marks 12 days since my operation *woo throws confetti* so I thought I would update you all on my progress.

Since I came out of hospital my painkillers have been radically reduced, I am now just taking paracetamol and Ibuprofen. Im fine with that because Im not feeling/being sick anymore and my pain is well controlled on them. My surgeon told me, that I would hate him for the first two weeks after my operation. Sure enough, the first week I did tell him I hated him (I mean, not really - but pain wise he was not my favourite person) ,however around the middle of this second week, my pain has been much more controlled and at times I have even forgotten about it!

I have come to the conclusion that recovery is bloody hard and incredibly frustrating. You might be sat there thinking 'but Hannah all you have to do is lay in bed and watch tv, or read' - unfortunately not darling. I could lay in bed all day but it's only going to give me bed sores (omg you have no idea how painful this can be). I have been getting up, getting dressed and trying to do little things around the house/ playing way too many computer games. Since I have been told that I cannot bend or twist until my physio-therapy starts 4 weeks post op, life is frustrating. Mostly its the small things which are the most challenging - picking up anything from the floor, moving anything heavy, bending to put something in the dishwasher, putting on jeans etc. Its definitely helpful to have someone on hand, just incase, especially when you have a dog and a kitten like me.

For the last 3/4 days I have also been trying to go for (very) short walks, gradually challenging myself to go a little bit further each day. Its a weird feeling that is hard to describe. Im not in too much pain when I walk, but it feels like my bones and nerves have been scrambled. They don't belong to me anymore and I'm trying to reclaim them. Its also very frustrating because I love walking and there's nothing wrong with my legs, it just feels difficult and unnatural - not to mention I am so tired! At the moment, I am getting a full 8-9 hours sleep at night, plus an hour or two after lunch because even doing the mundane makes me feel exhausted.

One thing that I am struggling with is back spasms. Me and my back have a weird relationship, even before the surgery. Its weirdly sensitive to touch and I've always suffered with back spasms - even to the extent where my physio-therapist used to need to place a towel over my back when pressing down on my vertebra. However since my surgery, its been worse, especially when I try to sleep or if anyone touches it.  I think this is due to my nerves and muscles being moved slightly causing them to expand and contract, however its hard to tell how much is just me and how much resulted directly from the surgery.

I don't know if its worked yet. Things feel different, thats for sure and my usual pain isn't there but that isn't surprising since I haven't been able to do much and I am on a decent dose of pain relief. Its also very difficult at the moment to distinguish between general back/hip pain and my op pain so only time will tell on that one!

Last night we decided to change my dressing. I am pleased that I have been left with a fairly small scar, which for the most part is healing nicely. Unfortunately it is seeping at the very bottom and this part has not healed like the rest so I am going to get a professional's opinion on this and fingers crossed it is not infected - just taking slightly longer to heal.

Thats about all for now, please feel free to message/post any questions or comments you have about anything!

Hannah

❤